Since I read this earlier tonight I have been pondering things I could say to add to the story. Bottom line, there aren’t any, so, without fanfare or preamble… here you go.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3789373
On New Years Eve this year I sent countless text messages. As each time zone came around, I would call up my address book on my cell phone and shoot off a series of text messages wishing my friends a joyous, prosperous, and/or happy New year.
I used to call people, this year I called no one. Yesterday I was thinking about this, and somewhat mourning the loss of personal connection and contact, and then I ran into this cartoon.
Its an old Harpers Weekly cartoon, and it is explained in some detail here (the full text of the caption is here).
In a nutshell, this phone call to text message transformation is only the newest change in personal interaction. Common sense and a little thought, of course, make that obvious; however, to me, it is still interesting to think about.
Back in the day of calling cards and personal visits, it could be argued that one had more intimate contact with those they called upon. However, they were geographically limited in their outreach options. In addition to local friends and family, I sent greetings and wishes to multiple people in every US time zone. If you count social network contacts, the list of time zones receiving my salutations grows considerably.
As with everything, there are trades to be made with progress, in this case I think I like the modern version and the variety it provides over the more traditional intimacy. How about you?
A couple months ago while I was hanging out with a group of friends there was kind of an interesting mix of couples and single parents talking about raising children. The first (primary to the story) couple had reached their late 30’s without having any children, the second had younger children that were just reaching the age of independence, and I was in the conversation as well.
The second couple was relaying a story about how they were having trouble being the positive influence they wanted to be with their daughter. They tried to set a good example, but she continued to drift off the path they were setting for her. Not in major ways, but just making choices that they did not agree with, or thinking of herself before others.
The first couple chimed in at this point and stated how couple number two should just take charge and tell their daughter what to do, in fact demand she do so. “Lay down the law” they said (amongst other things), removing any doubt we may have had about their parental experience.
I countered with something along the lines of this:
In my experience, you are doing it exactly right. While children often do not respond instantly to the right messages when they are placed in front of them they do tend to see and digest them. Just like adults, children like to own something before actually using it. Given time, I am certain you will see the values you are planting within come to fruition. Parenting is the ultimate exercise in delayed gratification, and, if you are up to the task, the most rewarding thing you will ever do.
On Christmas Eve, this year, I was able to see this manifest itself before me with both of my boys, making it one of the best holidays of my life.
Early in the day we had the family “penny hunt” where all of the children search for change hidden throughout the house and yard. What used to be searching for pennies, has, of course, evolved into searching for coins of all shapes, sizes and denominations. I’m not saying that you could make a living at it if you searched daily… but… for a kid, its decent work if you can get it.
Later that evening we were having a round of toasts for Farfar, and my dad, while giving his toast mentioned that he was going to pass around the Santa hat and anyone who wanted to could donate something to the Stanford Children’s Hospital in Farfar’s name. During this announcement my cousin burst into tears. You see, he survived cancer in his twenties and part of his strength to battle through it came from watching those children fight the good fight.
A little later we were passing an elf hat around and each person was placing the hat on his head and saying (in as rich a Danish accent as they could muster) they’re favorite Farfar phrase or quote. During this process, the youngest (eight) asked for “the hat.” Everyone assumed he wanted to give his own Farfar quote and he was handed the elf hat.
At that point he quietly excused himself from the table, retrieved his change bag from earlier in the day and promptly began the transfer of funds. Needless to say, the idea was *not* for the children to be making donations. To the best of my knowledge, he was the only child that did(this is not a criticism of the other kids, again, it was not expected of them). I, of course, could not have been more delighted with him.
Later that evening my cousin (same one mentioned before) came up to my oldest and said “we’ve had a very good year (he and two of my other cousins are in business together) and we want to get you something you really want, so… what do you really want. We want to make it special, you name it and its yours.”
My sons response was this: “take whatever you were going to spend on me, and donate it to the Children’s Hospital.” Queue tears… roll ‘em! My cousin, of course, argued. He said the gift was for my son, something special for him. To which the teen countered that seeing my cousin so happy and moved was *exactly* what he wanted, and was special.
Both of my boys, on one of the two most bountiful days of the year (for children), put someone else before themselves. They both were selfless when the option for selfishness was available. As such, their father received the best Christmas gift he could ever imagine.
On the drive home my mind turned back to that conversation I’d had a couple months earlier, and I have to say, in this instance, I’m very glad I followed my own advice…
If you know me from online, you have probably heard me, at some point, talk about Mike McGee and how much I enjoy his work. Today I’d like to share a couple of his poems with you. The first one, “I’m Not, But If I Were,” is to me, in many ways, an adult version of The Little Engine That Could… for the more discerning mental pallet (that is not meant to disparage that little engine at all, but, sometimes, I like my life lessons in grown up packages).
http://media.libsyn.com/media/mikemcgee/07_Intro_Im_Not_But_If_I_Were.mp3 (yes, it is an audio file you have to download, believe me when I say it’s worth it)
Every time I listen to that poem I cannot help but be motivated to continue and even rededicate my quest to be the best I can be. I am driven to “sharpen my saw” as the phrase goes.
At the same time I am reminded that I already am the best I can be, that I grow with my potential and at this moment in time, I am pure Soren perfection. I’m like Jack Handy with an attitude and a cool goatee.
The other poem is more personal, it is called Tonight and it is, to me, one of the most moving pieces I have ever enjoyed. This poem is where my adoration of Mike McGee began, and undoubtedly where it will continue to flourish.
http://puntiglio.com/blog/tonight.mp3 (yep, more audio)
There is, simultaneously, power and urgency in those words. An assertion of his feelings along with a longing for reciprocation and the complete and total satisfaction that comes from the simple act of holding someone… “like an apple holds it seeds.”
I hope you enjoy these poems; they mean a lot to me and over the years have become a significant part of the person I am striving to become.
PS If you visit MikeMcGee.net you can enjoy Mikes blog, download other great clips and more… you might want to check it out…
Over the last month, largely because of my sisters urging which preceded an influx of family and then friend “pressure” (in the best sense of the word) I have been dragged (at first kicking and screaming, now just kicking… in more of a “love tap” sort of way) into the world of Facebook.
I have linked up with friends and family from around the country and to a lesser degree, the world, and as much as I hate to admit it, I have not hated it. However, what it has really done it serve as a reminder. Today I added a friend from Kansas, the first thing I did, of course, was to check out her profile. Here is her most recent update:
My Kiva family just made another payment on their loan. I’m really proud of them!
Her Kiva family! In case you are not familiar with http://www.kiva.org it is a service that allows individuals to give loans to other individuals in need. Specifically, entrepreneurs in developing countries around the world so that they can (to quote the website) “lift themselves out of poverty.”
Kiva is a great cause, and, I’m once again impressed and endeared to this particular friend; however, on a broader scale, I am reminded that you become what you surround yourself with and, I am probably on the path of becoming a pretty good person, based on the friends I have chosen over the past couple of years.
I have surrounded myself with some pretty spectacular people; people with amazing value systems and warm and giving hearts. I’m a very lucky person to have such friends and appreciative of my friend in Kansas for (inadvertently) reminding me of this.
That is all, over and out! J
It is interesting how the dominoes fall once the first one is pushed. Even more interesting is how often the person doing the pushing has no idea there are other dominoes behind the object on which they are exerting force.
Completely oblivious to the chain reaction ahead, they take what appears to be a relatively insignificant step. Sometimes that domino is a physical action, but sometimes it is more of a concept piece.
When a core belief is shaken, it can completely break a person. At the very least it tends to send them down a voyage of self discovery that is both dark and painful. Rarely do people know how much of their lives are built around these foundational beliefs until the perceived security they provide comes tumbling down.
You’ve heard stories about this before, athletes that assume all of their self worth is tied up in their ability to hit a baseball, shoot a basketball or throw a football. Then their path to success is cut short, either by injury, or the simple fact that they overestimated their own abilities. At this point many of these people break. They do not renew their efforts in a new field, they simply quit.
You see the same thing in business, and love. Often this breakage is so severe that it leads to suicide. A person takes their own life because the life they have constructed around a particular belief (either in themselves or something else) has proven itself to be folly.
It is easy to do, I know because I am familiar with disappointment, both in people and in situations. I built my life around the basic premise that people are good and given the option, do good things. Over and over again, I was let down; and over and over again, I convinced myself that these were the exceptions that made the rule.
Finally, I accepted that fact that the majority of the people out there are not good, at least not in the way I am defining it here. For this conversation what I mean by good is that they are more selfless than selfish. Sadly, on that benchmark, the human race has failed me, and my core belief system.
On a positive note, however, this is a foundational crack I was able to roll with fairly easily (sort of like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny). I have adapted my approach to life and am moving ahead with a greater sense of purpose than I had before. You see I view this as a fixable crack, and I’m out to be part of the fixing process.
I have experienced other cracks recently that have not been so easy to accommodate. Nothing devastating on a suicidal scale, but certainly a 9.5 on the wow-now-I-have-to-question-everything-about-this-o-meter. I have had to reevaluate my opinions of myself and the value I add to those around me. I have had to reevaluate my choices in friends, partners and alliances (yes, in this case those are all very different things).
I have had to assess my strategic advantages and weaknesses as well as my barriers to competition and my overall value proposition. I have balanced my personal budget (monetarily as well as emotionally, etc.) and I have made plans to eliminate redundancies and take advantage of economies of scale. In short, I have had to rebuild my personal business plan.
In the days to come those around me will see a leaner more efficient me. One more grounded with a new or refined sense of fundamental values. It’s a little sad that sometimes it takes a rather significant event to refocus your efforts; however, there is a phrase that goes “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Right now… I’m feeling very, very strong…
Whew! I finally have internet again!
So, now you will all be blessed with the final installment of guest blogging for the holiday! Today’s piece (originally scheduled for Saturday) come to you from one of the first people I forged any kind of real relationship with online, Devyl. You can read and learn more about her on her blog http://devylgyrl.com… enjoy! 
********************
When I was a child, I was also an adult. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and my mother remarried when I was a young child. My stepfather, although a good man in many ways, was also abusive. I learned early on that although I had toys, it was better not to play with them … because even if I walked away to go use the little girls room, I would get in trouble for them being out. I also learned that he expected me to do every single household chore with him, and I had my own chores besides.
By the time I was 10, I was cooling, cleaning, and doing most of the lawnwork by myself. I had to vacuum and rake the lawn daily (we had pine trees - they made a MESS!). I was also responsible for cleaning up after dinner. By the time I was 13, I was also responsible for my sister’s (and later my brother’s too) room, and I was responsible for ensuring the homework was done before my parents got home.
You would think, with everything that I had to do daily, the evenings would be completely free … they were not. Instead, there were more chores. We had the cleanest house in the state, by far. Especially since my stepfather is a perfectionist, and if the job was not done right, I was screamed at and spanked until it was completed to his standards.
There was a place for everything, and everything was in place. We had downtime, but I usually chose to read, something I was not allowed to do while my parents watched tv, while we were in the car, or when we had company. I was not allowed to use the phone, have friends over (I can count maybe 6 times my entire childhood that I had a friend at my house: only twice for sleepovers), pick out my own clothes, style my hair (I had to brush it and let it go - no water, hairspray, moose, or any other form of help … and I was not allowed to pull it into a ponytail to contain the wildness either), wear jeans to school, use makeup, or wear jewelry.
This is not to say my childhood was all bad: I have a lot of good memories. I have a lot of GREAT memories in fact. My sister, on the other hand, who was never spanked or abused (he literally called her little princess) was so traumatized by the abuse our baby brother and I endured, has blocked out her ENTIRE childhood. This was true even before our brother died when he was 16. I find this horrendously depressing, because despite the bad, there was a lot of good in our lives, and now she has very few memories of our brother … she only remembers the teen years, when they were bickering more than getting along. Those memories, of course, make her sad.
I tell you all of this not for your sympathy … but to preface the actual reason for the blog post. Now, I’ll get more to the point!
I have always had a hard time letting loose and having fun. I am a happy person, and I see the good in a lot of things. I find myself, though, unable to find the simple JOY in things. I cannot wrestle with 10 kids and enjoy it - I worry about whether they’ll get hurt. I cannot watch cartoons (except Disney/Pixar type movies): I do not like them. I cannot stand when I child talks back to an adult - even if I know they are allowed to by their parents, or they are joking, or there is a cameraderie between them. It literally makes my blood pressure rise.
I love kids and I love getting down and dirty and playing with them - outside in the mud, inside wrestling around, etc. The problem is, once I say I’m done: I am DONE. If they keep coming back for more, I get angry. My nieces and nephews and my Tween have gotten pretty good at understanding this. Other kids get upset when I walk away. I *can* be fun … but the kids call me their “Funnest mean Aunt EVER!” because “She loves us and plays with us, but she yells too!” I have come to accept that they will see me this way because they know me well, they love me despite myself, and they ALWAYS run to the door to greet me.
Christmas this year was going to be especially hard. I’ve had the worst year, financially, than I have had … ever. I took a huge pay cut to work where I am working right now because I love the people and wanted a job. Not many other people were (or are) hiring in my area (or really, in any area right now). The pay decrease meant I had to cut out a lot of the “fun” things my Tween and I are used to doing (once a month, we would go out to dinner and a movie, or we’d get season passes to the local water park and go every week, or we’d take weekend trips to nearby family and friends just to get away from home). We are both feeling the crunch of not having that freedom.
Two weeks before Christmas, my boss told me that they had cut back on everything imaginable - going as far as to not keep adding new stock in the store, but only ordering parts when our customers pay for them first - but that despite all the cutbacks, money had run dry. Unless business picked up in a major way, I was being released as of the 30th of the month. My Tween and I immediately took back the clothes and books we had gotten her for Christmas (she was along for most of the picking-out, although she wasn’t sure if she was getting all, or part, of what she pointed out at the time), along with things we had bought our friends and family.
My friends - both here in town and from the social websites I frequent - banded together in groups and set about to ensuring Tween and I had the Christmas they felt we deserved. One of my friends bought her the three books she’d been wanting (and that I could not afford to purchase, at $20 a piece!), another group of friends sent gift cards for her Wii (the gift her father promised to send but didn’t), along with other gift cards to stores she likes. My BFF and her sister and mother bought a few things to make me feel good (a couple of necklaces, a sweater, a pair of earrings), my daughter’s grandmother finally came through on the digital camera she had been promised for her birthday (it was wrapped in “Happy Birthday” paper, but we put it under the tree anyway) and Tween and I had an AMAZING Christmas despite all the stress before-hand. Tween still believes in Santa Claus, despite her age and all the flack she gets from her friends. My friends far and wide are absolutely wonderful, and I could not have asked for a better group of people to have in my life.
My friend “A”, who is also my roommate, had bought her family a trampoline for their Santa gift this year. When I was heading to bed, she headed outside to put it together. I was not going to let her struggle alone, so despite the lack of sleep I have had (my BFF’s baby is in the hospital, and I have been with her or with her kids every night for the last two weeks), I headed outside a few minutes later. Her brother, M, came out to help too, so the three of us worked diligently in the dark with only one dim flashlight and a porch light that did not reach the actual yard. It was fun, and it was warm outside (we’re talkin 75 degrees, people! Awesome!), so we were laughing and joking and having a good time. M went to bed as soon as the actual trampoline was put together, and left A and I to do the lacing of the net to the trampoline. It took another hour or so, and by the time we were done, we knew it was almost dawn. We decided we deserved to test out the trampoline first, since we were the ones who missed out on sleep to put it together (and we couldn’t tell the kids that because Santa brought the gift).
For the first time in my life, I got on a trampoline. I am 33 years old. When I was a child, I was not allowed on them because they were dangerous. As an adult, I just never found a reason to get on one. At five a.m. on Christmas morning, I had the best hour of fun with my friend A, giggling, bouncing, jumping, playing games, and laying on a trampoline. I had found the joy in fun.
This may not seem like a big deal to you. And honestly, most people who know me would not think it was a big deal either. After all, I laugh a alot. I have fun. I love my life, no matter how hard it becomes. I am a happy person, all around. I have moments of giddyness and fun, I have silly moments, I have crazy-silly-fun moments. I *do* have fun, and the people who know me know this well.
My friend “A” recognized the joy before I did. She looked at me and said “Thank you.” I knew what she meant right away - normally I would have been worried about the kids getting hurt and asking her five million questions, or worrying about the damage the trampoline could do to the yard, since we’re renting, or I would have gone to bed as soon as it was done, instead of staying outside and playing with her. Normally, even if I had stayed outside with her, I would have either watched her, or jumped a few times and called it done.
I had found the joy in taking a few minutes with my friend to find my child-like wonder again … and to enjoy a few child-like moments, completely worry-free. We had spent a full hour on the trampoline, giggling like schoolgirls, whispering about waking the neighbors with our noisiness, then bursting out in gales of laughter because we didn’t care. We reached beyond the anger and frustration we had towards each other over the last few months and dug deep inside ourselves to forgive completely, and enjoy the moment. Our friendship is once again complete.
This is a huge milestone for me … as it was for our friendship. We have been great friends for a long time, but we have a lot of disagreements on how to handle things: I tend to be a lot like my parents (minus the abuse portion of their parenting handbook) and she tends to be a “take it as it comes” type parent: very responsible, but a lot of fun.
I doubt that my friend Soren, who prides himself in finding the joy in life and being a “big kid,” has many other friends like me … but if you happen to be reading this blog … and you happen to recognize a little bit of yourself in my descriptions of myself … take a few moments out of life and try to find the joy. Not just the happiness … happiness is easy to find. Dig a little deeper and find the joy.
I would like to thank my “Christmas Angels” once again … because without them, this would have been a very stressful and disappointing Christmas. My Tween and I do not base our happiness on “things,” but Christmas and Birthdays are the only two times she receives “things” from me. In return, she donates items (things she no longer uses, no longer wants, or she has made) to a local charity or group who distributes them elsewhere. My “Christmas Angels” brought the magic into this year’s Christmas … and it is partially due to their generosity, love, and friendship that I was able to find a little joy and child-like wonder for myself.
I would like to wish you all a Happy New Year. May your 2009 be filled with the joy of learning, the joy of laughter, the joy of love, and especially the joy of LIFE.
xoxo
Devyl
http://devylgyrl.com
The second installment of “Guest Blogger Week” comes from one of my newer friends from Las Vegas. I did my first guest blog gig on her site and love reading what she has to say. Here is her blog’s link http://fearandparenting.wordpress.com. Be sure to check her out!
***********************
“Just because I’m paranoid, doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get me.”
The last few months, I’ve been walking around with a pit in my stomach.
I just can’t seem to shake it.
It’s a sense that someone’s about to pull the rug out from under me.
There’s a knock on my door and a Trojan horse is on the other side.
I hear whispers in the cafeteria and I’m looking for the toilet paper on my shoe, hoping that’s the worst that can happen.
I don’t like it. It makes me into a person I don’t like to be. Paranoid. Jumpy. Worried. Anxious.
Not fun, that’s for sure.
It reminds me of my senior year in high school. I had been adopted by a small cluster of girls when I transfered midway through my junior year. We weren’t popular, but we were smart and had our talents. We went through some tough, but all-too-typical teenage times. Boyfriends. Parents. Fitting in. Standing out. Standing up on our own. We were good friends. Friends that I thought would last.
Until the last week of school. We had been spending more and more time away from each other. I was busy with my end-of-year music concerts. They were absorbed by their yearbook and newspaper deadlines. College entrance applications loomed.
I went out to my ‘68 VW bug after school one day and discovered that it had been vandalized. Scrawled across my windows in shoe polish were profanities and vulgarities that I won’t repeat here. Under the windshield was a note - from my friends - screaming their hate for me. Not for what I had done or not done. But for me.
I was shocked and mortified. I drove my car home and cleaned it as quickly as I could before my parents could see it. I didn’t want to try to explain what had happened, because I didn’t understand it myself.
I still don’t. I never will.
At one point, I realized I could keep holding onto this confusion, trying to make some sense of it. Or, I could let it go. Forgive my old friends (who never apologized or explained) and move on.
Eventually, I did come across one of them. We were getting married about the same time and I saw her name on a wedding registry site. I contacted her through a quick e-mail. I asked how she was doing and wished her well on her impending nuptials. She thanked me and we exchanged a few pleasantries, ignoring the elephant in the room. It was okay. I could live with that elephant.
I don’t know if I like the elephant that I’m staring at now. I don’t even know if it’s real.
I think something I may have written on my blog this year may have hurt people who I know and love. I worry that they may have taken my comments as being directed toward them specifically, when the reality is, my angst was aimed at a nameless, faceless mob. I wish that their love and respect for me would have led them to confront me directly rather than to harbor hurt and to create distance.
But then again, there my not be an offense. There may not be an issue. Or, there is an issue and it may not be what I think it is.
I just wish I could shake it or deal with it. I can’t stand unresolved crap like this. I hate uninvitied elephants in my room.
I am off to California for Christmas!! But fear not, in my stead I have lined up a fantastic group of guest bloggers!
The first is my friend Kat who blogs regularly on her own blog http://www.askatknits.wordpress.com. You should check it out!
*************************
I am thrilled to be a “guest blogger” for my friend Soren, although with this post he may be regretting that he accepted my offer to share my thoughts with you while he is enjoying vacation. Please do not lambaste him for my post – these thoughts do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of the blog owner.
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, the topic of the mortgage industry came up, and my friend thought right now would be the perfect time to refinance or buy a home. The conversation then went to the foreclosure crisis that is sweeping across America. On paper and in theory a solution looks all too easy – after all the government stepped in to help those troubled homeowners with HOPE for the Homeless, right? The plan was to help over 400,000 homeowners who were “upside down” in their homes by writing down the mortgage and refinancing thereby helping them remain in their homes. The reality is HOPE for the Homeowner has not helped one single homeowner thus far. That reality is hitting very close to home as well, I can drive through my neighborhood and see dozens of vacant foreclosed homes. Some blocks have multiple houses on each side of the street! My guess is that you have the same empty homes in the neighborhoods around you as well. So, what went so horribly wrong that loosing your house has become such a rampant epidemic in the neighborhoods we live in?
I have some theories on that and I want to share them with you – it is not pleasant but sometimes the truth is not.
The truth of the matter is that people purchased homes that they had no business purchasing, pure and simple. The idea of homeownership is a good one, but unfortunately – it is not for everyone. The lending industry made it possible for a person with a pulse to purchase a home with no money down. With a mere $500 in the transaction, any idiot could buy a home. Yes, you are reading that correctly. I will not even get into the transactions where the buyer walked away from the table with a check for a couple of grand. The Real Estate industries, who for the most part work solely on commission for income, convinced us that homeownership was the “American Dream” and we bought it – completely.
What followed was an influx of buyers on to the market that had no preparation for their foray into acquiring their slice of the American Dream – and like sheep led to the slaughter they rushed ahead in ignorance.
Follow along the journey with me as I hope to share with you how we got into the disaster we are in as a nation today.
For years, there have been two different methods of purchasing homes – conventional and government. I am sure you know the players – playing for Team Conventional was Fannie Mae and her brother Freddie Mac. They, for the most part, made mortgages available to the general public at reasonable rates with some, and in my humble opinion, with some requirements that were easy to meet. You needed to have some money down – at least 5%, you needed to have verifiable income, and you needed to have established, good credit.
Weighing in for the Government Team were FHA and her cousin VA. FHA was the perfect choice for first time homebuyers with little money to put down on a home, with no or a limited credit history, or with what those in the industry would call “bruised credit.” The rates were a bit higher than conventional financing, but the risk was greater and with no penalty for refinancing early, it made sense for borrowers to use this as a tool to obtain homeownership. VA provided similar benefits for those incredible people who have served in a branch of the armed services.
For years, these options were available to everyone who wanted to buy a home. In addition, they were highly successful – there were few foreclosures at all.
Then Greed showed up to the party and changed all the rules, putting us on the path for disaster that we have been traveling on for some years now.
Using the above lender criteria, there would be a segment of people who would not quality for homeownership. However, Greed said they should be and looked for ways to change the system.
Before long Greed had infected both Fannie and Freddie with options for borrowers who could not previously qualify for loans under the more rigid criteria. You needed no money down to buy a home. There were even loans that the underwriters began to call “Liar Loans” because no documentation was required to qualify the borrower. Say it and sign your name and you can have the money! It got to the point that a borrower truly only needed a pulse to purchase a home and nothing else.
The number of people buying homes increased drastically, which artificially drove the price of homes up.
With all this going on Risk, a player who heretofore had been ignored, began to exact the toll on the unsuspecting borrower by slowly and steadily raising the interest rates on the loans – increasing payments sometimes as often as every 6 months. Before long, the borrowers with the riskiest profiles began to loose their homes to the foreclosure process. In addition, a housing market that was beginning to slow down showed the reduction in prices of homes.
Then the economy began to slow, adding further stress to an already ill housing market.
Interest rates continued to increase steadily and the next level of at risk borrowers found themselves pulled into the whirlpool of foreclosure. This increased the amount of houses on the market, further reducing the value of all the homes to the detriment of us all.
Now, suddenly the last tier of homebuyers found themselves treading water to stay out of the downward spiral. Yet, they had an added factor that the prior victims did not have – their homes that had lost twenty percent, or more, of its value – were worth less than what they owed! For example, if they purchased a home for $100,000 – suddenly it was only worth $80,000. What was to keep them from walking away from these homes – they had little or no investment and if they were in an adjustable rate product, they had rising house payments. They had no desire to be upside down in their homes, so they just walked away.
This crisis is effecting us all in that is has further depressed an already sagging economy and will continue to do so until the bottom has been reached. The result will be around for years to come as these vacant homes fill the market in the days and years to come.
What can we learn from this debacle?
Well, how about for starters that you cannot get something for nothing. If you want something, you need to invest in it. It then has more value. There also need to be measurable rules and guidelines for lending. The government players I talk about above have not loosened their standards in their lending criteria and their names are noticeably missing from the headlines. It is not because they are not lending – far from it, they are still making loans, doing it quietly, and with conviction. They have put the emphasis where it should be, on responsible homeownership. A ripe marketplace with an abundance of realistically priced inventory awaits the borrower that qualifies.
My fear is that we will not learn anything from this at all; I heard today that the banks whom we all bailed out do not want to be accountable for the funds they have received. That very lack of accountability is exactly how we all got into the housing issue in the first place. I believe that wisdom allows a person to learn from others mistakes without having it directly experience it. Wisdom also understands that sometimes saying “no” is not a punishment but rather a blessing. My wish is that we can all become wise quickly and stem the rising flood.
Thanks for letting me share with all of you, and a bigger thanks to Soren for allowing me to do so on his blog!
I expect this one will be short, as there is really not much to say on this topic. However, I feel it is significant enough to write about anyway.
I’m pretty sure I have written before about how much I dislike it when someone who is in a position of righteousness relinquishes that position by compromising themselves. As ridiculous as it seems, people do it all the time.
Another, different but related, affliction of the human condition that irks me to no end (especially when I do it) is getting mad at someone because they are mad at you. This is troulesome whether they are legitimately mad at you or not.
If their anger is not valid, then you are in the afore mentioned position of righteousness and only risk compromising yourself by getting overly emotional and reacting from such a place. People, even those in the right, say and do stupid things (wrong things) when they are angry, and you open the door to this by reacting this way.
If their anger is legitimate then you are accomplishing nothing but delaying or even destroying the healing process by building up your defenses. Now is the time to accept the responsibility for whatever you have done to anger the other person, take ownership of it and work toward reconciliation.
People are emotional, all of us are, and we are going to react to things emotionally. However, if you work at it a little, while you cannot easily prevent that first wave of emotion, what you can do is learn to take a deep breath (or 50) and bring your blood pressure back down and your thought processes up before you respond out loud.
I believe some call this being the bigger person. Others call it being smarter than the situation. Call it what you will, the bottom line is this… reacting to a reaction is pointless and almost universally destructive.
… not to mention often ruining a perfectly righteous position.