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Sir Charles had it right…

Mind you, I’m not crazy about anyone using that mantra as an excuse to be a beacon of how not to behave; however, the fact of the matter is that neither he, nor any other professional athlete should be considered a role model. We do not follow, cheer for, idolize (whatever) athletes for the quality of their character, we pay attention to them because either they win, or the try to win games (preferably but not exclusively for our favorite teams).

We don’t really know anything about these guys and yet we want to be “like Mike” (that’s a nod to my generation… today’s kids want to be King James or – shudder – Brock Lesnar etc.). I get wanting to have their abilities… especially in that rub-the-lamp-and-get-it-without-working sort of way… but actually looking up to them and wanting to be them?

Again, Barkley (and Nike) had it right. Nike has come up with several of the better endorsement themes over the years, and by better, I mean somewhat responsible. This one comes to mind as well:

But… if it is a role model you are looking for, I’d suggest you look elsewhere. Notice the young man/ladie holding the door for others at the movie theater and acknowledge the role model before you. Take the time to tip your hat to a volunteer at a nearby hospital or shelter, recognizing their admirable behavior. Next time you see a parent making it all work and putting their kids first, understand that this is an actual act of character, worthy of impersonation.

Being a real role model takes consistent character and conviction; its about the litany of little things done over and over again despite lack of thanks or recognition. I’t not about the glam shot… and its anything but a slam dunk.

Both of these worlds exist today, which one you grow up in is decided entirely by luck (where you happen to be born), neither of these children “earned” their fate.  Are you okay with that?  If not, have you thought about what you can do about it?

Cute, ins’t he?

That’s a sewer, by the way…

Today I am starting up a project to try to make a difference (not necessarily for this child, or any other homeless child).  My intention is to start up an organization that facilitates technical support for non-profits.  ”Member” organizations or individuals might provide free web sites, online presence, or simply help an organization put a printer on a network.

I have no idea how successful (success being defined by how many people I am able to help) I (we) will be in this venture, but at least I will not feel as though I am idly existing while this disparity of opportunity continues.

If you think you might have some technical skills that would be of value, and you are willing to donate them (there will be no revenue from this effort… this is an exercise in giving) let me know.  I will follow up with you once things get rolling.

There is a phrase/question, a little overused, but of value none the less, that goes something like this:

If you knew you were going to die tomorrow (in a week/in a month/whatever), what would you do; and, why aren’t you doing it?

The message is simple and clear, you only get one crack at it, why not make the most of it… starting now.  People are often surprised when they run out of time, they wonder where their lives went and why they never climbed that mountain, jumped out of that (perfectly sound!!!) airplane, or went on that grand adventure.

The bottom line, however, is this: if you wait long enough, everything will stop becoming an option.  Eventually, there will be no marathons to run, no scuba dives to make, no cross country road trips to take… no tomorrow.  We are each granted a finite number of “today’s” and an even smaller (by one) number of “tomorrow’s.”  With that comes the inevitable question: what are you doing with them?

I was enjoying a conversation with someone this morning about their “bucket list.”  It included things like “see the northern lights,” and “save someone’s life” (rather amazingly, given that she is a teen, the latter is already accomplished and crossed off of her list).

What really caught my attention though, were a few other items, exemplified perfectly by “Microwave a Pop Tart for 3 seconds.”  It is both less random and more pedestrian than it sounds, those are the exact microwave preparation instructions on the package.  But that is the simple curious beauty of this particular item.

So often it is the everyday things that we do not do that haunt us later in life.  It is living within 30 minutes from the coast, but only having been to the beach a handful of times (or, gasp!!! … not at all); living in Vegas, but never seeing a show; in San Francisco but never having walked the golden gate bridge or visited Alcartaz.

We get so engrossed in our lives we often have to leave town to relax and enjoy living them.

Several months ago (the end of September, 2009), inspired by my friend Claudia, I set out to accomplish 100 goals in 100 days.  Today (June 9th, 2010) I have accomplished (drum roll please!!!) 78 of them.  Obviously, in order to be realistic, many of these goals were set very low to the ground.  Others were more lofty and would require quite a bit of effort to accomplish.

What is interesting to me, however, is that the rate of success on the low hanging fruit is roughly the same as that of the complex tasks.  In fact, if I had managed to accomplish all of the relatively effortless items (i.e. “clean out my domain inventory” and “review and update my birthday calendar”), I would have accomplished 96 of my 100 goals instead of 78.

Again, simple attainable goals, even though – in this case – I had the advantage of identifying and setting out to accomplish them, left incomplete.  When I look back at my nearly 300 days since creating the list, there is no way to justify not having time to accomplish any of the items on my list (okay, maybe the movie was pushing it a bit), let alone the little ones.  Yet, undone 22 of them remain.

If yesterday, today was my last tomorrow… I’d certainly like to think I had lived my life to the fullest.  Maybe I didn’t get my domains sorted out, but that at least I had spent my time enjoying life, satisfying my curiosities, and doing the little things that make life worth living, no matter how simple they might be.

… like microwaving a Pop Tart for three seconds…

So, here’s the deal.  What started out as a seed for a simple blog entry has turned into more of a project.  Some time ago I solicited my socnet for input and help in creating a playlist that a person might play to their daughters; hoping that they would get the right messages from the songs and the play list could help shape them while it entertained them.

The Youtube playlist below is the result of that solicitation.

Today as I was mastering (which, soon, you will see I didn’t finish doing) the play list I realized a few of things.  First of all, I cannot possibly put all of the songs of value into one reasonably sized play list. Secondly, I also cannot properly express the value (to me, anyway) of each of these songs by putting them in a playlist.  Finally, I realized that neither me, nor my dedicated (but rather small) socnet are going to be able to capture everything I want to say with what is available to us in our musical lexicon.

With all of that in mind I am expanding this little blog post into a not so little project.  A project designed to capture as much musical knowledge from my friends as possible, harness the knowledge and lessons therein, and share it in a meaningful way.

More details on that over the weekend (once I have fully wrapped my head around it).  But, since you all have been so patient waiting for me to put this list together… without further ado… the opening salvo in this little musical journey…

An hour (plus) that just might leave you better than it found you

Ps… I think my love affair with Christina Aguilera and India Arie shines through pretty clearly here, ironically, though, I did not contribute to this list, it is 100% provided by friends.  It appears my friendship “apple” doesn’t stay far from its “tree” either

PPS please please please suggest more songs in comments… I am beyond eager to have more great songs to listen to and share!!!

If you have read my blog for a while, you are aware of my friend Alison and her project 365 blog. If you are not familiar, in short, she has dedicated her blog to being publicly thankful to the people in her life (no matter how ancillary they might or might not be).

Yesterday, she wrote a piece (http://300sixtyfive.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-290-non-rushing-one.html) that exemplifies why I so enjoy reading her work.  Alison recognizes little things that often go under-appreciated, ignored or just missed altogether.

I have been the driver of that minivan and, I am ashamed to say, have also been upset when they don’t acknowledge the gesture. Every time I have done that I have subsequently felt small and petty.  I didn’t let them in to get thanks, so why do I get upset when I don’t get it?

The simple reality, though, is that people who do good things (no matter how large or small) should be recognized for it and should be encouraged to continue.  In my opinion, that encouragement is as good for the accolader as it is for the accoladee, as the positive aspects of the act are reinforced for both.

I guess what I want to say is, thanks Alison!  It makes my life more pleasant knowing there are people out there like you, paying attention to and acknowledging the real greatness in this world… like a couple unhurried seconds in the life of an anonymous woman in a red minivan.

On a good day it reinforces my world view… and on a bad day… it is… well… a spoonful of sugar

Since I read this earlier tonight I have been pondering things I could say to add to the story.  Bottom line, there aren’t any, so, without fanfare or preamble… here you go.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3789373

Over the last month, largely because of my sisters urging which preceded an influx of family and then friend “pressure” (in the best sense of the word) I have been dragged (at first kicking and screaming, now just kicking… in more of a “love tap” sort of way) into the world of Facebook.

I have linked up with friends and family from around the country and to a lesser degree, the world, and as much as I hate to admit it, I have not hated it. However, what it has really done it serve as a reminder. Today I added a friend from Kansas, the first thing I did, of course, was to check out her profile. Here is her most recent update:

My Kiva family just made another payment on their loan. I’m really proud of them!

Her Kiva family! In case you are not familiar with http://www.kiva.org it is a service that allows individuals to give loans to other individuals in need. Specifically, entrepreneurs in developing countries around the world so that they can (to quote the website) “lift themselves out of poverty.”

Kiva is a great cause, and, I’m once again impressed and endeared to this particular friend; however, on a broader scale, I am reminded that you become what you surround yourself with and, I am probably on the path of becoming a pretty good person, based on the friends I have chosen over the past couple of years.

I have surrounded myself with some pretty spectacular people; people with amazing value systems and warm and giving hearts. I’m a very lucky person to have such friends and appreciative of my friend in Kansas for (inadvertently) reminding me of this.

That is all, over and out! J

It is interesting how the dominoes fall once the first one is pushed. Even more interesting is how often the person doing the pushing has no idea there are other dominoes behind the object on which they are exerting force.

Completely oblivious to the chain reaction ahead, they take what appears to be a relatively insignificant step. Sometimes that domino is a physical action, but sometimes it is more of a concept piece.

When a core belief is shaken, it can completely break a person. At the very least it tends to send them down a voyage of self discovery that is both dark and painful. Rarely do people know how much of their lives are built around these foundational beliefs until the perceived security they provide comes tumbling down.

You’ve heard stories about this before, athletes that assume all of their self worth is tied up in their ability to hit a baseball, shoot a basketball or throw a football. Then their path to success is cut short, either by injury, or the simple fact that they overestimated their own abilities. At this point many of these people break. They do not renew their efforts in a new field, they simply quit.

You see the same thing in business, and love. Often this breakage is so severe that it leads to suicide. A person takes their own life because the life they have constructed around a particular belief (either in themselves or something else) has proven itself to be folly.

It is easy to do, I know because I am familiar with disappointment, both in people and in situations. I built my life around the basic premise that people are good and given the option, do good things. Over and over again, I was let down; and over and over again, I convinced myself that these were the exceptions that made the rule.

Finally, I accepted that fact that the majority of the people out there are not good, at least not in the way I am defining it here. For this conversation what I mean by good is that they are more selfless than selfish. Sadly, on that benchmark, the human race has failed me, and my core belief system.

On a positive note, however, this is a foundational crack I was able to roll with fairly easily (sort of like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny). I have adapted my approach to life and am moving ahead with a greater sense of purpose than I had before. You see I view this as a fixable crack, and I’m out to be part of the fixing process.

I have experienced other cracks recently that have not been so easy to accommodate. Nothing devastating on a suicidal scale, but certainly a 9.5 on the wow-now-I-have-to-question-everything-about-this-o-meter. I have had to reevaluate my opinions of myself and the value I add to those around me. I have had to reevaluate my choices in friends, partners and alliances (yes, in this case those are all very different things).

I have had to assess my strategic advantages and weaknesses as well as my barriers to competition and my overall value proposition. I have balanced my personal budget (monetarily as well as emotionally, etc.) and I have made plans to eliminate redundancies and take advantage of economies of scale. In short, I have had to rebuild my personal business plan.

In the days to come those around me will see a leaner more efficient me. One more grounded with a new or refined sense of fundamental values. It’s a little sad that sometimes it takes a rather significant event to refocus your efforts; however, there is a phrase that goes “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

Right now… I’m feeling very, very strong…

Recently, I was asked by a friend (friend as defined as a Senior from one of the centers I do volunteer tech support for) to help him come up with a very quick list of five things to tell his estranged grandson when he visits.  He (the senior) is on his last leg as they say, and his daughter is bringing his grandson from New Jersey to visit him before he passes.  He wanted to pass on a few tips to his grandson, but because of the pressure of the situation and, to a lesser degree, his deprecated mental state, he couldn’t think of anything to say.  This was, of course, on the phone, impromptu, and brief, so he asked me for 5 tips.  Off the top of my head I gave him these…

Do not make a decision without considering how it will affect at least three other people – in other words, look for the unintended consequences. Everything you do in life effects others, keep that in mind and you can prevent a lot of heartache along the way. Frequently, when you take the time to see things from the perspective of others, you also wind up seeing that what seemed like a good thing for you really would not have worked out so well afterall.

Do not lie – this sounds simple and everyone says it, however, it’s not so much the effect on others I’m concerned about, it is the effect on you. When you lie you tell yourself that you are/were not good enough for the truth. If you do that enough, just like anything else, you will begin to believe it. Live a life worthy of the truth, and then speak honestly of it. PS it is also a bad thing to do to others.

When presented the choice between something you have done and something you haven’t, take the latter- Comfort can lead to complacency, while adventure tends to foster initiative. Further, people tend to travel in packs of interest, so if you delve into a new activity, you are likely to discover a whole new sub-culture, ripe with potential friends. I’m not saying you should never do things you know you enjoy, but make sure you carve out enough time for new things too.

Read, a lot – When you read, you do so many things that beyond simply enjoying a story. Your vocabulary is improved by reading words you do not know, or words that are used outside of the context in which you usually encounter them. Your deductive and reasoning skills are sharpened, not just in the act of anticipating where they plot will go, but in things as simple as determining what a word means in a particular context. You are also exposed to different perspectives on the world, which, if you are open to them, will help you tremendously in understanding and relating to the myriad of people you will meet throughout the course of your life.

Love – Love ridiculously. Make a fool out of yourself doing it. Express yourself in ways that your friends are sure to tease and taunt you about. Because if you do, someone will do the same for you… and you will never recover from it (in a good way, a really really good way)

Anything you’d like to add?

I have long held the belief that celebrating something that is fundamentally bad, even in a good way, is objectionable. As such, Thanksgiving has never been high on my list of holidays. I recognize that the long standing tradition of a day of thanks pre-dates settler interaction with Native Americans, however, in this country that is what is has come to represent.

In this country we “celebrate” one culture teaching another how to live off lands they were not familiar with. We also ignore the fact that the latter culture subsequently brought about the near extermination of the first through disease, violence and relocation (many times to inhospitable land).

To this day nearly half of the Native American population lives on a reservation. The initial purpose of the reservations was to indoctrinate them in Christianity so that they could be given citizenship in the new nation. We are the Borg, my friends, and resistance is, indeed, futile.

The audacity of a group of people coming into someone else’s country, taking it by force, interning them for the purpose of religious indoctrination, and, when they didn’t convert, leaving them on those reservations is remarkable. The unbridled temerity of a society touting freedom and justice for all, and simultaneously celebrating a day of thanks in the wake of this reality I find to be far beyond distasteful.

And yet, every year, I exchange Happy Thanksgiving salutations with co-workers, family and friends. I then go off to some isolated location and wrestle with my own apparent hypocrisy. Why? I don’t have any problem telling people how I feel about racial or gender related issues, etc., so it’s certainly not fear of reprisal or admonishment. So, why?

I think the bottom line is this. No matter how much I loathe the general idea, when I boil the history out of it, I really like the spirit of the holiday. Not the feasting, that is wasteful and frankly a bit off-putting to me. Not the mandatory family get-togethers, I spend plenty of time with family all year; I do not need holidays to do so.

No, it is the idea of people appreciating each other freely that I like. I think I also fantasize that somehow it will become a habit (here is a little anecdote on my thoughts about the habit of doing good things http://puntiglio.com/blog/?p=85). I dare to dream that people will give thanks to, and for, each other on December 13^th, and February 4^th, and August 3^rd, and every day in between.

I imagine a world where people value what they have over what they want. I know that makes me a bad capitalist (teaser, there is at least one if not many logs coming up on capitalism soon, they are festering in the back of my mind as I write this), but, bottom line… I don’t want or need “more”, I just want and need “enough”, and part of my “enough” is knowing that everyone else has “enough”.

Of course, now I have let my little dark secret out of the bag. Now you know that I do not really like Thanksgiving because of what it means historically, and what it says about a country I really want to align myself with. Now you know that I sit in hypocrisy when I savor my pumpkin pie, because while I am busy bemoaning a tyrannical past I am also reminiscing about a future that does not yet exist.

But it can…

What are you doing on December 13^th?

Most of my interactions with Farfar were centered on either having fun or being productive. The bulk of what I learned from him was practical. How to drive a nail, how to shingle a roof, how to field dress a deer, and things of that nature were the domain of Farfar.

Council was not his strong suit. Actually that’s not fair to say, I’m not sure if it was or not, it simply was not a big part of our interactions. However, based on one afternoon’s experience while hunting, it has occurred to me that in not having more deep and meaningful conversations with Farfar, I may have missed out on more than I realize.

I had returned early from the morning hunt and Farfar and I were working on setting up camp while my father stomped around in the woods. Dad was frequently out longer than I was… probably a big part of the reason he was the (much) more prolific hunter. I enjoyed hunting, but I also enjoyed getting back to camp and spending time with Farfar (and, let’s be honest, enjoying the fruits of his labor over the camp fire!).

One afternoon we were sitting in front of the fire and out of the blue he asked me who I was dating. I told him no one at the moment, but there was someone I had my eye on. He asked what I was waiting for, and I (honestly/foolishly?) responded that I didn’t think she would respond positively to my overture.

His reply, like so many of the things he said to me over the years, was short and to the point (I’m paraphrasing here, but it is very close)…

Remember this: rejection only hurts for a day or two, regret… is not so forgiving.

That single sentence changed my life from that day forward. Not as enabling, reckless and all encompassing as “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to get permission”, it created a wonderful synergy between the “strike while the iron is hot” confidence of youth, and the “t’is better to have loved and lost…” knowledge that can only be gained from experience.

I became a better, more confident man on the mountain that day… although, I’m sure there are a decent number of women (if you have known me long enough, you can insert a “suit” joke here) who wish I had stayed out in the woods with my dad and missed that conversation altogether!!

When I think of all the things I mightn’t have done over the years, without this one morsel of experience, I find myself once again overwhelmed with appreciation for a man who so simply and efficiently conducted the business of his life.

Thank you Farfar, I love you, and miss you terribly already…

It’s not often that I use the same vid clip for two different posts in one week. It’s even less often that I use one from a kids movie. But, I’d like you to consider the second portion of this clip:

After ignorning the “smile and wave” portion, we are left with the “well… this sucks” portion. For those of you who have not seen Madagascar, let me provide the background for you. Those diminutive penguins have plotted since the beginning of the movie to get to Antarctica. To get there, they wound up hijacking the ocean liner pictured in the clip and navigating it to their destination.

Getting to Antarctica was their sole mission in life. They were focused, disciplined and determined, and in being so accomplished their lifelong dream… escaping from captivity in a New York zoo and reaching their homeland of Antarctica. However, what we see in the above clip is what happens when you set your sights on something without being prepared for what happens when you get there.

For our President-elect, I do not predict a “Madagascar moment,” however for the some of the people that voted for him, that campaigned for him, that donated money and time to him… I fear this may be their reality.

Last night Obama won the election, but those of us who elected him have not won anything yet. This election is not analogous to winning, or even getting to, the World Series. It is more similar to making the playoffs. It is from this point that the real work begins. We are now in the game, but are we ready to play?

Making real change will require maintaining, if not increasing, the energy and enthusiasm invested in the election process. Where we once spent our time advocating our candidate, we must now advocate the policies of our President. We must remain involved; engage our politicians and our fellow citizens. We must now, as never before, be the change we want to see in the world.

The good news is, if we do… it will not suck

I have come to the frightening conclusion
that I am the decisive element

It is my personal approach that creates the climate
it is my daily mood that makes the weather
I possess tremendous power
to make life miserable or joyous
I can be a tool of torture or
and instrument of inspiration,
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides
whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated
and a person humanized or de-humanized

If we treat people as they are, we make them worse
if we treat people as they ought to be
we help them become what they
are capable of becoming
-Goethe

In 1989, at the age of 44, my mother passed away on the island of Samui in Thailand. My grandmother (her mother) had passed roughly a year earlier. Obviously, this was a very emotional time in the lives of my entire family.

There is a theory, that has been around for a long time, that states that one of the truest measures of a person’s character is how the conduct themselves during times of intense trial and tribulation. We all learned quite a bit about each other over that tumultuous year. Some discoveries were better than others, but all in all I think we are grew as people.

I was recently asked to share a story from my life that illustrates, in some way, my value system; a story that I would be happy if not proud to have repeated. This challenge led me back to 1989.
After my mothers death, a tribute to her was printed in the local paper. I was dispatched to the newspaper stand to acquire a copy of the newspaper for everyone at the house (I cannot remember the number at this point, but it would have been in the neighborhood of 10 newspapers). When I arrived at the newspaper vending machine, of course, I was offered a choice. I could simply put my quarter in the machine and grab 10 papers and be on my way. Instead, I put my first quarter in the machine, grabbed 10 papers and shut the door… and then put in another quarter and opened and shut the door… and repeated this process 8 more times until all of the papers had been paid for.

This is a very simple story, and I’m sure most of the people I know would do the same thing. That’s part of the reason I like it. It is simple, it is straightforward, and it is to whatever degree common. I do not want to paint myself as exceptional, what I want to illustrate is the simple choices we make on a day to day basis that form the fabric of our character. It is the simple, fundamental, choices that we make, when no one is looking, that make the difference.

Now… I would like to extend that challenge to you, my readers. Please share a story about yourself; a story that, in one way or another, represents your value system, a story that you would be happy, if not proud, to have repeated.

I think that you, as I did, will find it to be a reaffirming exercise, in addition to the benefit your example can set for others.

I’d like to take a minute to recognize some people I know (or know of) that took part in what I view as a meaningful activity yesterday.  Each of these people took the time to dedicate their personal space, their blog to a common cause yesterday.  The cause was Blog Action Day 08 and the focus was poverty.

All of these blogs are on that topic.  Each providing an individual and varried view on the subject.  Please carve a couple of minutes out of your day and read through these blogs.  I’m certain it will be worth your time.  If you get really motivated to read more, each has a link to the “mother ship”, the Blog Action Day web site which contains entries from over 12,000 blogs… enough reading for the heartiest of appitites.

So, without further ado… my short list

http://givecheerfully.wordpress.com/2008/10/15/blog-action-day/#comment-23

http://dresramblings.com/2008/10/15/how-close-are-we-to-poverty/

http://devylgyrl.com/2008/10/15/blog-action-day-08-poverty/

http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/10/15/turning-on-the-poor/

http://www.northsandiegobusiness.com/ethics/boosting-the-bottom-line-ethically/

http://www.wikyblog.com/CynthiaWunsch/Wednesday,_October_15,_2008

http://www.aimlessdirection.com/2008/hotel-poverty/

http://limetouch.com/archives/blog-action-day-2008-poverty/

Today is Blog Action Day: Poverty.  Bloggers around the world (at last count over 12,000 of them, are taking a moment out of their normal blogging lives to write about Poverty.  Whether raising awarenes, offering solutoins, or just lending a voice of support to the cause, this groundswell movement has momentum and has produced some great pieces.  You can check them out here: http://blogactionday.org/

The question, of course, is what, exactly am I going to talk about that 12,000 other bloggers have not already covered.  I thought about referencing a few of my previous blogs like this one How my son made me a better person this week…(http://puntiglio.com/blog/?p=187), but that seemed a bit like cheating… so I needed a different approach.

The low hanging fruit, of course was to pick on the economy, choose political sides and use this as a platform to advance my choice for president… again… not the best path.

Another option would be talking about various things I and other I know have done in the past, on an individual basis to combat poverty.  Things as simple as picking up the leftovers from conference dinners and taking them with us to distribute to the homeless in the streets of whatever city we might be visiting.  A nice inspiring but not overly prescriptive story, this actually seemed like a decent idea.

However, what I have chosen to do is challenge you.  What I’d like you to do is expend your own knowledge of the issue as it impacts you, in your community.  I’d like you to do a little research, and find out what the homeless and poverty rates in your area are.  Then find out what resources are available to those in your community who are in that unfortunate situation.

You don’t have to give to those organizations (you can if you feel so inclined) but that is not my challenge to you today.  I just want you to be informed.  Informed so that then next time poverty comes up in dinner, water cooler or locker room conversation you will be armed with both knowledge and potential solutions.

Here are some general poverty numbers for the US in 2007 (this data and more avaiable here: http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/poverty/poverty07/pov07hi.html):

* The official poverty rate in 2007 was 12.5 percent, not statistically different from 2006.
* In 2007, 37.3 million people were in poverty, up from 36.5 million in 2006.
* Poverty rates in 2007 were statistically unchanged for non-Hispanic Whites (8.2 percent), Blacks (24.5 percent), and Asians (10.2 percent) from 2006. The poverty rate increased for Hispanics (21.5 percent in 2007, up from 20.6 percent in 2006).
* The poverty rate in 2007 was lower than in 1959, the first year for which poverty estimates are available, while statistically higher than the most recent trough in 2000 (11.3 percent).
* The poverty rate increased for children under 18 years old (18.0 percent in 2007, up from 17.4 percent in 2006), while it remained statistically unchanged for people 18 to 64 years old (10.9 percent) and people 65 and over (9.7 percent).

This may not seem important to you, or like it will make a difference, but you will probably be amazed how often this topic comes up once you are attuned to it.

At any rate, that is my challange to you… your mission, should you choose to accept it.

This message will never self-destruct… at least as long as people like you continue to care…

I have some wonderfully giving friends, who do some wonderfully giving things.  Honestly, I’m a few points short of a perfect 10 on the wonderful scale, however I do try to keep up where I can.  I was talking to a friend about giving today and she was saying that as much as she would like to, she has trouble with charities (fears of where the money goes, feeling too detached, etc.) and did not really know, other than giving to food drives etc. what she might be able to do to make a difference in other peoples lives.

It probably goes without saying this turned out to be a lengthy and rewarding conversation.  As an offshoot of this, I’d like to share a few random things I have done recently toward making a difference in the lives of those around me.  What is nice about the items on this list is that there is no middle man, the impact is direct and there is no need for concern about detachment at all.

Everything on this list anyone can do for less than $50 (in some cases, significantly less).

Stamp out post office lines – I have actually done this one a few times in the past couple of months, simply because of the fantastic response it receives.  I go to the post office and purchase a roll (or a book depending on my budget) of forever stamps in the morning.  Then, at lunch, when the line is the longest, I go back and offer stamps to anyone in line just for stamps so that they do not have to wait in line.  It saves people time and a (very) little amount of money, and also reduces wait time for everyone else in line.  Everybody wins!

There is a such thing as a “free lunch” – I love to do this at lunch, I’ll walk around down town and poke my head into a random restaraunt, pick out a table and settle their bill with the hostess (without them knowing).  I seldom if ever see the reaction, but it does not take a lot of imagination to anticipate their pleasantly surprised faces as the news of their “free lunch.”

Buy a round for the whole… bus – I did this for the first time yesterday.  When I ride the bus home, I start at the genesis point of my route.  I made sure I got there early and purchased a $20 pass.  With it I paid for my fare, and then paid for the next 19 people who came on the bus as well.  In my case, I actually only paid for 12 people, as the bus was far from full and there wasn’t much point in paying for anyone who had a monthly pass.  So for $12 I paid for entire bus to ride home (or at least to their next connection).

Show some appreciation – When I lived in California and had to cross a toll bridge everyday for work I used really appreciate the people who spent their entire day in a little glass box collecting  bridge maintenance costs 75 cents at a time.  To show my appreciation to those toiling on the bridge, I would periodically include a small gift when paying my toll.  Nothing major, it could be anything from a mixed tape (I believe I may have just dated myself!) with music I knew they appreciated (yes, you can get to know bridge toll takers if you are willing to take the time to do so) to a snack basket.  Just a little something to let them know they are appreciated.

Busted!!! – I started doing this a few months back also.  When I have some spare cash, I purchase a few $10 gift cards from local convenience store/gas stations, and I keep them on me when I’m going about my life.  When I see someone doing something exemplary, especially if it is a selfless act for someone else, I give them a gift card.  Sort of my own little “I caught you doing something good” program.
This is the most enjoyable part of my budget, I absolutely love trying to figure out little things I can do that will make a difference to someone else.  My hope, long term, is that some of these stories will be exchanged at dinner tables, break rooms, or coffee shops and inspire others to do similar things.  I figure if, at a grassroots level, people start taking care of one another, perhaps a fundamental culture change will grow from that which will effect real, substantive change in our world.

At that point I could walk happily into the sunset whispering “my work is done here…”

As I look through the history of the date September 11th I am besieged with violence.  The first full Army unit landed in Viet Nam, Mormon “guerillas” killed 120 unarmed settlers, a group of socialists tried to effect peace… by starting revolutions and civil wars, and, of course, the terrorist airplane attacks of 2001.  The list goes on, I’m stopping there.

The effect goes on as well. As a result of the events of 2001, we still have troops on the field of battle in two middle eastern nations.  Young Americans are tearing apart, and in some cases giving up, their lives for the belief that they can make a difference in how much the future does or does not reflect the violent past.

Earlier today, an online friend pointed out that he was a volunteer at ground zero in 2001, and that he can still remember that burning smell.  He made the point that he did not need to be reminded “how important it was to remember”…  that he would, in fact, never forget.  What concerns me, what I would like to change, is what, in particular, some people are electing to remember.

I have written before about my affinity for Mothers day (in the traditional sense).  About how the holiday was created out of a desire for peace and an end to war.  It was not about placing blame, it was not about extolling the virtues of one ideology over another it was about a group of people coming together to celebrate whatever efforts could be made to prevent the horrors of war from happening again, to prevent losing more of their sons to the wanton violence of war.

Obviously, that movement has fallen prey to the retail movement and today Mothers Day is more about gifts, flowers and brunch.  However, I think there are some strong and necessary roots in the original movement.  Things that, when we take the time to “never forget” we should keep in the forefront of our minds.

What I would encourage you to do today, rather than remembering the horrors, the enemy, and the mission; is to focus some energy on making sure it does not happen again.  Do you really understand why the Vietnam war took place, why a group of Mormons would be moved to trick settlers out of their guns and then kill them, why a group of socialists seeking peace would call for civil war, and, of course, why a someone would fly an airplane into a building?  If so, what can you do, what can anyone do, to make sure it does not happen again?

Thousands of years of violence have proven that you cannot shoot your way to peace.  In fact, almost every “conquered” nation in history has come back later to be a nation that repressed others in its own way.  The cycle of violence, revenge, and repression does not work.

On this day, when most of the nation will have the tragedy of September 11th on their minds, I ask you to think carefully about what you choose remember.  Make it constructive and compassionate.

Remember how, as a nation, and as a people, we are generous… and give.

Remember how, as a nation, and as a people, we are peaceful… and make a stand for to end the wars.

Remember how, as a nation, and as a people, we are tolerant… and work to better understand what other people are experiencing.

Remember how, as a nation, and as a people, we have abundance… and share.

Remember that we are supposed to be the good guys.  We are supposed to set an example.  If you were given the opportunity to write the history book that children were studying in the year 3000, how would you write the chapter on the years you were alive?  What would we accomplish in that era?

Today, when you hear the words “always remember” or “never forget”, will your subsequent thoughts support the history you want to create for your generation?

Perhaps, with the right frame of mind, we can change the nature of the history of September 11th, and that is something noone would ever forget..

Forty-five years ago, today, MLK gave his famous “I have a dream” speech.  It has become an anthem, as well it should have.  With advanced apologies to the specific demographic for which it was intended, I intend to co-opt it into my “cause.”

Much more recently a good friend of mine, while explaining why she was supporting Obama for President instead of Clinton, made the argument that she, as a feminist, was doing so because he was the candidate that most closely represented the feminist idea.  This friend, by the way, really is an expert on the topic; as in, she has a graduate degree in the field of Women’s and Gender Studies.  She explained it this way:

Feminism is not about gender.  It is not limited in scope to sex.  Feminism is about a perspective, it is about hearing those marginalized based on race, gender, class, and sexual orientation.  It is about moving away from a place of privilege to a place of lived experience, and it is about a politics of transformation – of action not reaction.

I typically refer to this behavior as “living”, rather than feminism; however, I’ll take any port (word) in a storm.  The concept is wonderful and the explanation perfect.  Further, as I think about it, the underlying traits of compassion, good will, and fairness are far more often (not uniquely, but more often) found in women than in men, so perhaps feminism is not such a poor moniker.

So, now, we come to my dream.  It is my hope that in my lifetime, or, of that is too optimistic, in my children’s lifetimes, that there will come a day where everyone looks at others as equals.  Where compassion rules over compulsion, benevolence over bigotry, and empathy over apathy.

I dream of a society that values each and every asset present within it equally.  One where people will be judged and treated according to nothing more (and nothing less) than “the content of their character.”

My dream continues with people realizing that they do not need to have an individual cause, but rather can be part of a greater human cause.  In the area of human interaction, there should not be minorities, majorities and demographics; there should simply be humans, interacting.  My dream is that all crusaders for equal rights realize they are fighting for the same things.  I want to see more people like my friend, who are willing to put an ideal ahead of an agenda.  Perhaps what I want, is a nation of feminists.

That is my dream, on this important anniversary, what is yours?

PS Thank you again Dr King, your words and life continue to be an inspiration to an ever increasing number.

Years ago I was sitting in the office of my company’s CEO one night (we were both there late, and when I noticed her in the office, I stopped by to say hello) just sort of shooting the breeze. While we were chatting, she said something that, on the surface, should have been obvious. However, for whatever reason, it really resonated with me, and has stuck with me until this day.

We were talking about her habit of picking up trash in the parking lot (not your typical CEO’s afternoon activity). The way she explained it to me was this:

It is not reasonable to expect my employees or customers to care if I don’t care myself. If I walk past a piece of trash in the parking lot and do not pick it up, I might as well have thrown it there myself.

I think part of the reason this conversation has stuck with me for so long is that I tend to apply that way of thinking to the world in general. The old saying “if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem” is true. It is convenient to think that just because you are not actively contributing to the problem, you are not responsible for its existence. However, this is simply not true. By simply taking the path of least resistance (or greater enjoyment) rather than making the “right” or “best” choice, we are contributing, or at least enabling.

We complain about violence in movies and video games, and yet support a whole culture based on glorifying this violence. We listen to (and let our children listen to) songs like this (which fosters violence, revenge and mindless retaliation):

Instead of songs like this (one of my favorite songs ever) which promotes forgiveness, understanding and a constructive approach to ones future:

We listen to raps like this which extols the “virtues” of womanizing and violence:

Instead of instructive, awareness generating raps like this;

As you can see, you can still tell the story of the ghetto life, without glorifying the violence.

But we continue to make these choices. I was told the other day, in defense of “Before he cheats”, that it is “just a song.” I’m sorry but, catchy and hard to turn off though it may be, it is not just a song; it is an anthem for a big part of what is wrong with our society. When you listen to, speak positively of or sing this song in public, you are giving your implied consent and blessing to the actions taken in the song. Would you really raise your daughter to take a baseball bat and set of keys to the truck of an ex? Would you, by the same token, encourage her to pull the hair out of an offending classmates head for hitting her at school? Any eye for an eye make’s the whole world blind, my friends.

This piece is not about music. It is about everything in our day to day lives. How often do you really look at the actions you are taking, and the statements you are making by in doing so?

We are all stewards of our planet, our countries, our communities and our own personal lives. As I walk through the parking lot of my life, I try to pick up the trash and throw it away (or even better… recycle it), rather than simply walking by and pretending I don’t see it. How about you?