This is where it got interesting.

Before responding to her sons request, she took out her phone, opened up Google and found this image (I’m sure you have all seen it before – it only took her about a minute to find it on her phone):

Showing her son the image, she asked, “how do you think the child in that picture would feel about you throwing away those fries because they have too much salt on them?”

To my amazement and delight, the young man then asked his mother if it would be okay for him to wipe the extra salt off before he ate his fries, or if that would be bad as well (she said “that would be fine”).

Kudos to both of them…

Annually in the United States 34 million tons of food waste is generated each year, 33 million tons of that is simply thrown away (the other million tons – 3% of the total – is recovered and recycled). The average American household throws away 14% of the food they purchase. There are some good resources for managing your food waste here

My take away from all of this was a personal wake up call to take a look at the areas in my life where I am a bit too entitled. I won’t be sending back a steak because its a touch over-cooked any time soon… that’s for sure.

There is probably going to be a spoiler or two… so think about that if you haven’t seen it and intend to do so.

I’ll cut right to the chase, because, despite there being a lot to like about this movie, there was one aspect that left me walking out of the theater wishing it was made while I was still in college so I could spend the entire night/weekend/whatever talking about it with my oh so smart and worldly (sarcasm there, in case that wasn’t obvious) friends.

The last scene alone would have provided hours of poetic waxing about the commodification of sex, the dysfunctional aftermath of abuse, and the joyously flawed character reveal… tantalizingly delayed until the very end and yet not really withheld at all.

There are so many conclusions that can be drawn throughout the movie about the relationship building between Lisbeth and Mikael; however, in the end – regardless of what you thought would happen, or what you thought should happen – it went down exactly as it should.

In the movie, we do not see any significant relationship building between the main characters. While we witness extreme circumstances leading to outlandish actions, we are made aware of nothing foundational between Salander and Blomkvist. We see sex (which at first seems like mercy sex, and then seems like utility sex, but never appears to be passion or affection), we see inter-dependence, we even see a life saved; but we never see commonality or synchronicity.

Surely, to Lisbeth, the act of sexually communing with Mikael was a major investment. Her sexuality has always been an unhealthy yet integral part of her value. People have abused her for it and blackmailed her for it and now she had found a place where she actually wanted to not only use it… but perhaps find meaning in it.

Mikael, by contrast, in sleeping with Salander, is cheating for at least the second straight time (that we know of) and appears to tragically undervalue their physical intimacy. It was inviting, fun, and enjoyable…but never appeared to be terribly significant.

The inevitable collision of these values was foreshadowed well by his distraction during their encounter in the hotel and climaxed (pun intended) fantastically in the final scene.

Blomkvist, of course, goes back to his life – including his married girlfriend; oblivious to the idea that anything significant was going on with Salander. Lisbeth, by contrast, confides in her most (only?) trusted companion that she has started forging a relationship with someone that he “would like” (or “approve of”, can’t remember which word she used but the intent was the same); only to find him laughing arm in arm with the previously mentioned other woman.

The couple in front of me at the theater, as the credits started to roll, began to speculate on whether it was his daughter (we only see the woman from behind, so the part about his being with the married woman above is my speculation… and clearly what you are supposed to think), or if he was going out with her one last time to break up with her… or… or… or.

I haven’t read the books (although I am about to start as I see tremendous potential beyond just a good intrigue novel now), so I don’t know what comes next. Perhaps the half-fullers in front of me are right on one of their guesses; and, honestly, I won’t have my feelings hurt if they are and everything I have speculated on is dead wrong. There is a certain pleasure to be taken in thinking that these two broken people might be just what each other needs to cobble a happy and productive life out of their respective pasts.

But, if their not, and it is as I saw it… while it won’t be all “happy Hollywood,” this movie is a great and candid look into humanity and the ravages of abuse… and one hell of a conversation starter.

Even if it is just a few years too late for me to take full advantage of it…

If we could get beyond who’s fault the situation is, and focus – instead – on the situation in need of repair; it seems to me that we would become infinitely more capable of fixing what ails us.

So here’s a thought… spend a week (longer if you wind up enjoying it… or finding it productive… or both) finding no fault in others. Feel free to recognize situations that need remedy, and certainly feel empowered to work toward resolving them. However, do not seek the cause (other than to assist with the solution, of course), do not seek to blame, do not seek accountability. Don’t even seek a learning/teaching opportunity (other than the example you set by working to rectify the situation). After all, if a situation is bad enough enough to solicit blame, there is probably something more important to do anyway (i.e. fixing it).

What I don’t like, however, is our society’s obsession with looks and body size. What I have always looked for (physically) in a women is someone who takes care of themselves, is healthy, and – because of these things – has a reasonable expectation for being around for the long run.

If you care enough about yourself to eat (relatively) right, be at least somewhat physically active, and keep your mind going by reading, playing games, or whatever… I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

If you are a few pounds “overweight” (whatever that means) or a few pounds “underweight” (ibid) and it is your natural weight for your lifestyle, then you are doing it right.

Note – this is not an endorsement for obesity, personal neglect or sloth. What I am advocating is an active natural lifestyle, and the results that come from that.

Study after study shows that an active and engaged mind is one of the leading “symptoms” of people who reach advanced ages. So, if you are exercising this all important organ as well… you’re probably my kinda gal.

Because the longer you stay alive… the longer you’ll be right around 98.6… and at the end of the day (or the year, or the decade, or – if your really lucky – the century) every guy loves a hot chick!

With all due respect… I do not like you, and – as an adjective – I find you to be a false prophet.

Adjectives are supposed to describe something. You, by contrast, either describe something *else* or, at best, somethings relationship to something else. How am I supposed to impart to my children that their self worth should be based on a true and honest reflection of themselves and their character when every judgement you make is measured against an external bar? One of my pet peeves are people who elevate themselves by bringing others down… you do this like it’s your job (which, I guess, it kinda is).

I prefer a world where things are simply good or bad, on their own accord. See the difference there, there is no comparison to something else, the evaluation is based entirely on the thing being considered. That cheeseburger is good, or that cheeseburger is bad. At least the cheeseburgers in question have something to build upon… they know where they stand in the world.

Anything else – other shades of grey – are simply conditional preference. For example, “fish sticks and steak are both good. Tonight I believe I prefer the fish sticks.” Or, “fish sticks are good. While, to me, clam chowder is bad. I think I’ll go with the fish sticks.” (Did you see how that worked… either way I got yummy fish sticks!)

Stop your passive aggressive behavior and your back handed compliments, “better,” stop them now! They are unnecessary, hurtful, and add no value to the world that cannot be achieved via different means (i.e. by taking the approach outlined in the previous two paragraphs).

If we were in elementary school together my mother would call you a bully or a jerk and tell me not to hang out with you. I think I’m going to take that advice and do my best to avoid including you in any of my conversations going forward. It may be hard to do (at lest at first), habits can be hard to break, but I think it’s worth it. After all, I can’t really expect my children to judge themselves by looking in the mirror when I don’t even expect as much from myself when evaluating different brands of cookies.

Regards,
Soren

Wow…

Moving on… one of the refrains I have heard time and time again recently is the well thought out and solutions based answer of “throw the bums out!”

Well, I agree… kind of anyway… although I think my target is a completely different group of “bums.”

So hear it is, without delay… step 1 in my (at least) 1 step plan for “fixing” our country’s political system.

Fire each and every member of the media who has used the word “win” or “lose” (or any derivative word of those words) regarding a political action (special exemption for election results) at any point in their career. No severance if they used it in reference to the governing actions (or inaction’s) of a particular political party (i.e. “passing this legislation is a real win for the ******’s”).

Governance is not a sport or a competition. It is the process of setting the rules, climate, and societal norms under which we live as a nation. It should not be decided on a scoreboard, but rather through thoughtful deliberations by people whose primary concern is the best interests of the nation they serve. How can this be accomplished when the actions of elected officials are constantly being graded out as wins and losses… not for the people they serve, mind you, but for the political party with which they are affiliated.

Describing the governing process as a series of victories and setbacks is divisive at best, grossly negligent at worse, and should not be tolerated from those entrusted to keep the public informed of the goings on in Washington (or state capitals, or counties, or cities, etc.). The only “team” anyone involved in government should be playing for is The United States of America; and the only wins and losses recorded and acknowledged, should be for the nation as a whole.

As for all of those newly out of work political reporters… ESPN must have like 37 channels by now right? Seems right up their alley…

I have gone back and forth on the value of the measures, mission, and message a number of times in trying to figure out my level of support v. my level of criticism, but to date have not really established a definitive position on it.

However, on my way in to work today I did have a thought that I think I can hold fast to. If the Occupy was a start up company, I do not think I would be willing to invest my money in it.

I could point to things like scope creep, lack of leadership, and embracing “hope” as a strategy… but the crux of my position rests on (the lack of) one simple guiding core tenant of a solid startup. Some sort of viable exit strategy.

I’m fairly convinced that no one (involved in the movement or not) knows where this thing is actually going, and what is going to come if it. There is no quantifiable measure for success, there is just ambiguous action.

Their voices have certainly been heard… so that’s not what they are waiting for.

Many have invoked police action elevating it from a protest to actual civil unrest… so they’re not waiting for that.

They have drummed up support across the country… so that can come off the “to do” list as well.

And yet… there is no real change in the movement, no new goals, no plan for action. And again, perhaps most importantly, there is no path to disengaging. You cannot simply protest forever (well, you can… but you can’t accomplish anything by doing so).

It’s great to be “about” something, and I get that they have a mission and message worth at least considering… but… like that guy in college who could wax philosophical all night long, but didn’t actually do his homework, graduate or get a job… until you do something (other than talk) about the principles you have developed, ultimately, there is no point in having done it.

What would i need to see to change my tune? Something like “we are here until **** changes” or “we are not giving up until **** is repealed.” **** can be a list, I get that the movement is fragmented and diversified… if you really are trying to represent 99% of 307 million people, you’re probably going to have a couple of issues to address.

Maybe what the movement needs is a good CEO. Many startups begin a little ambiguous, with a grand idea and no idea how to close the deal on it. Most of those young companies bring in big time, experienced leadership to help when they start to really grow (and seek money, for example)… maybe that’s the next step for Occupy.

But, until they figure out where, how and when they are going – compelling or not – I just don’t think I could hang my hat on their coat rack…

We were talking because I had heard the term “mighty white of you” for the one-too-many’ith time and something needed to be done about it. I was strong in my convictions, on point with my arguments, and relentless in my assault on his (presumably) hardened positions; pointing out that being white does not by default make you better, therefore “mighty white of you” does not mean what you think it means – in fact, it pretty much means the opposite of that… at least where the speaker is concerned.

I hammered my point home and went in for the kill… “does this make sense, what I’m saying… do you see why it is wrong… do you see why you need to stop!!!”

Only then did I notice the crestfallen look upon his face. Only then did I realize I had him at “have you thought about what you are implying, or would be implying to a person that was not white, if you said that around them” (which was my first sentence).

The simple fact is that he had never thought about it, it is how he had grown up. Further he was mortified about the message he was projecting, and I’m happy to report I have never heard those words from his mouth again. To him, it was a common phrase, genuinely no different than “nice work,” “good job,” or “that was thoughtful.” It had no basis in bigotry or race, it was “just a phrase.”

Which, of course, is the real and true evil of such phrases. They become part of the fabric of our society and bigotry is propagated by the unknowing. As such, generation after generation continues the subconscious (and in some cases conscious, deliberate, and malicious) process of stereotyping.

I don’t have enough fingers on both of my hands to count the number of people I personally know who grew up listening to Brazil Nuts being referred to as “Nigger Toes.” As part of Operation All-The-World-Needs-is-Soren (TM) I have spoken to every one of them about this at one point or another.

I have one nose more than is required to count the number of people who thought it was a racist remark, or harbor any dislike toward people of (any) color. All of them, when confronted, said that, again, it was “just a phrase” to those saying it… that they had no idea how it might be perceived (that may or may not be true in all cases… but that argument was made universally, and for the purposes of today’s conversation that is more than good enough for me… on another day probably not… but today, yep).

Which brings me to this gem making its way around the internet (etc.).

As I scan that “checklist”, I realize that I know many people (including myself) that use (or have used) many of those phrases to refer to “weak” or “inferior” people.

Dear World (including myself):

Have you ever stopped to think how that phrase might make a woman (or homosexual) feel?

Best regards – your self-appointed savior (and guilty partner),
Soren

Options two through five on that list are easily and patently offensive, one and six are bad in their own right but perhaps passable, eight implies things that I’d rather not get into (cough Sandusky cough)… but… lets just say anyone who uses that phrase with understanding and intent has some serious issues. I’m also not so sure why turning to ones mother (or anyone else for that matter) for support is such a bad idea???

But I digress…

Items two through five are my focus right now. These phrases are part of our lexicon (along with “that is so gay” and “you are such a fag” and “awww… did you get some sand in you v@%$#&.” This is how we talk to each other and convey messages of disapproval. In other words it is part of our cultural norm – with or without intent – to vilify and disrespect over half of our population, and most of us probably aren’t even aware (at a consistently conscious level anyway) that we are doing it.

“Nigger Toes” doesn’t fly as a term anymore (at least not in any of the circles I hang around in). If you were to say it, you would, at the very least, have to endure a mini-sermon from the newest/nearest defender of the universe. In other circles, you’d probably just get your butt kicked. “Mighty White,” I feel safe in saying has met a similar fate, along with the majority of its (covertly?) bigoted brethren.

It is 2012, I’d like to think it was about time for the terms on the above checklist (and any others like them) to meet the same fate.

With all due respect to mammals, insects and fish (et. al.) … I think that’d be might human of us…

PS… for the record, I didn’t mention it above because I was on another tilt…but… the implication that somehow some way “real-men” are superior to women – especially as differentiated by having successfully hurt someone else – is wrong in so many ways I don’t have enough blog space (which is, of course, pretty close to infinite) to begin to cover it. Suffice it to say… its just stupid.

Note – “Occupy Us” is a (potential) series focusing on what I think is the first thing that needs to be changed in our country (the world?) in order to make any lasting substantive improvements… specifically – ourselves.

Much like yesterday I’m going to skip the formalities of talking about how obviously offensive and unfortunate this incident is. I’m quite sure there is nothing I can say that will add any value, understanding, or positive influence to any of the parties directly involved; and if I can’t help ‘em… I probably should leave ‘em alone to work it out (along with the help of the fine Texas justice system).

However, what I am feeling inclined to talk about is this. I have heard, over and over again today, how he deserves to get beaten down himself, how he should be taken out behind the woodshed, and how he should receive a blanket party. Further, I have heard he should be put to death (legally or illegally if necessary).

I have a serious problem with this. That type of thinking, responding to bad behavior with violence is exactly what he was doing that has all of us so upset… to coin the old phrase… an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

The scale is clearly different, and the victim far less vulnerable, but the action is essentially the same. As such, I cannot condone any retribution against him without, in doing so, condone his actions in the first place… which is not something I am ever going to do.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying he is, was, or ever should be justified or vindicated for his actions. However vigilante justice went away for a reason and there is absolutely no reason to stage a come back now, over this.

We have a criminal system to handle this, a system that, as its stewards, we need to either trust or change. What we are not entitled to do is attempt to supplant it with our own individual notions of what should be done. they have a word for that… anarchy.

More importantly though, if we take this approach – advocating violence as a result of this (or any other) transgression, even by just talking about it… we are modeling the same behavior that we are sickened by in this video. There’s a word for that also… hypocrisy.

I prefer “Hillary’s” twitter position on the matter, pleading for help and justice for him and repentance from him… but no revenge toward him (other than the re-election barb… which, I think probably is a logical outcome from all of this). It’s nice to think that someone who grew up in such an apparently troubled environment might have overcome that and that they at least appear to have a constructive, balanced, and healthy view on the big picture.

We create and recreate the culture that we live in by our words and actions… a call for non-violent justice seems like as good a place as any to effect change.

Having said that, what I know about my readers, in general, is that they are a thoughtful, reflective, open-minded bunch. As I begin, I am counting on those qualities to stay alive (or at least keep my car and home free from eggs).

Having said THAT… I shall begin.

This morning I saw the following picture/satire/cartoon/whatever making its way around Facebook. It instantly resonated with me on many levels… I’m sure it will with you as well:

~insert outrage here~

(actually, no, insert the outrage in the comments area below… it sparks conversation and exposes more people to the thought process… in short… its good to do!)

Did you get enough off your chest… do you feel better yet? Probably not…

~insert more outrage – with a side order or anger and/or despair ~

I agree with most of what just went through your collective minds… 110%.

HOWEVER…

I also have other thoughts. Since I think we can all agree on the reprehensible (or at least objectionable) ones… I’m going to skip over those and move on to the more potentially esoteric or fringe thoughts.

First of all, I’m not at all sure that beauty is any more or less relevant or valid of a judgment criteria, assuming you are going to judge someone in the first place. Secondly, I think if you were to assemble all of the Disney princes, you’d find the same criteria applies. The difference would be that instead of saying “if you are beautiful, you will be approved of and courted” it would say something closer to “if you are handsome you can get away with pretty much any aberrant or otherwise poor behavior and you will still be thought of as desirable and pined over.”

In fact, inspired by this train of thought, I have found just such a picture:

See what I mean? But lets get back to beauty as a criteria…

I’m not sure I can go along with the mass think that using someones attractiveness (as it effects you) is somehow a lesser criteria than something else. Using it to the exclusion of all others, is probably going to get you into some trouble, sure, but to discount it as shallow and base I think is wrong. The proverbial baby is getting thrown out with the bath water.

Different people certainly have different strengths; some are more conventionally attractive, some more intelligent, some more humorous… others may be all of these things. However, I don’t think that being more intelligent trumps being more attractive or being funnier, in a general sense. At its base, human life is about survival (some would add “of the fittest” to that statement) and beauty has its place in the area of survival, just like any other attribute (if you don’t believe me, interview a flower someday).

Clearly, society today has placed far to great an emphasis on appearance… and within that, to great an emphasis on micro-waistlines. Even more than the the Disney gals, the Disney guys picture demonstrate this to be true. But again, just because someone does too much of- or with – a good thing… that does not make it a bad thing (it’s kind of like a top 40 song ).

I short, Disney’s deficiency, in my opinion, is not in makeing the women (or men) attractive, but rather in rendering them lacking in other attributes, or convictions. And, I’m not even really sure that argument stands, really. We all learned in school that hero’s (good, interesting ones anyway) are burdened by a tragic flaw (aside: it constantly amazes me how I am not a super-hero… as I am resplendent in tragic – and not as tragic – flaws). They must work through this burden in order to be the transformative beings we want them to become by the end of the story.

In the Disney version of The Little Mermaid… written for kids… there are some very clear (and crushing to those who know the original story) plot deviations made for its audience. What kids do not want to see, is the person they have spent the last 90 minutes bonding with turn into the (highly suspect, and kind of icky) bubble bath like stuff that gets on your ankles at the beach in an act of Shakespearean level love and devotion. Lacking an appropriate ending, Disney did what all good capitalists do, and took the path of least resistance. Unfortunate, but who am I (or you) to decide that giving up your identity and becoming human is more tragic or wrong than giving up your life and becoming sea foam? In the end, in both stories, she makes a sacrifice for love… and I’m not sure that is the worst thing for which glorious sacrifices have ever been made.

Just like (most of) you, I have issues with reducing women into eye candy and elevating men into risk-taking-result-creating-world-saving machines, I really do. However, much like I believe subjugating the (traditionally attributed) feminine quality of intuition in favor of the (regularly assigned) masculine mode of applying logic to a situation when seeking solutions is a mistake; I, likewise, question the wisdom of reducing the role or importance of beauty.

What I am more inclined to take to task is the overly simplistic black and white thinking that permeates our modern discourse. We are, by and large, a laze society that no longer even takes the full cover into consideration when judging a book, let alone its internal contents. When we aren’t being lazy we are moving too fast to recognize the attributes in others that distinguish one biped from another. Is she funny? How could i begin to know… who has the time to chit chat, unless there is some other visible ROI for doing so.

Can we seriously blame Disney for “dumbing down” classic stories when we as a society in general are unwilling to palate them as originally written?

Disney is a business, existing to entertain people. They are not here to establish social norms, rather they are tasked to work within what is established by you and I… the actual members of our society. By contrast John and Jane Doe (AKA you and I) and our daily activities do define social norms, cultural values and acceptable behaviors. If there is a scantily clad co-ed selling us beer, an ruggedly handsome man selling us after shave, or a Disney princess extolling the virtues of caking on makeup to catch a man… its because we as a society have instructed the creators of this drivel to do so. Those comercials and movies are not made because someone thinks they are cool and wants to dump that thought process on us, they are created from hours of extensive market research, customer surveys and – more than anything else – retail response to the previous campaigns that paved the way for what we are watching today.

As I have said time and time again about things like sports (or entertainer, or CEO, or teacher, etc. etc. etc.) salaries if you don’t like what you are being served… change your order. If there is one thing I know about business – all business – they are going to produce that which is going to be purchased. Businesses don’t care what they sell, only that they sell. All we have to do, as a society, is send a clear message that we want something different, something other than heaving breasts and massive biceps, something different than cookie cuter barbie’s and chiseled Ken doll/GI Joes types.

Assuming, of course, that we really do want something different. We all do want something different… right???